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(1/12/10)

One of the reasons that we are a 21+ only league!

Congratulations to our second team of the week, Hit For Brains! What more is there to say about HFB that hasn�t been written on the walls of the men�s bathrooms, or recorded at one of their trials? After five years, or roughly 15ish seasons, it is hard to imagine what the league would be without HFB. It is like imagining a stripper that doesn�t claim to be working her way through college- yeah, we COULD imagine it, but why would we want to?

You might think it would be easy to write a tongue-in-cheek article about HFB. After all, they are the team that famously drank from the horns of the Viking helmet one of their players would wear. One season they stole the Slappers helconia colored shirts and became Helconia For Brains. Their captain, Dave Keys, even owns an RV that they bring to tournaments and parties that becomes a sort of mobile command center for drinkers. So what more can we say about them?

After nearly fifteen season and five years, it is hard to find a corner of the league that hasn�t been touched in a special way (not in a creepy, �where on the doll� way, but in a good way). You can�t say that they helped redefine the idea of a fun team, since they were the ones that originally defined it to begin with. In short, HFB are the Teen Beat cover models for what a fun team should be- wild, energetic, with occasional bursts of greatness. �Have you seen us play? Do you actually think the wigs, fishnet stockings, helmets, and 80�s gear is about having fun? We are serious about winning�.the fun competition.�

Although recent seasons have seen them plagued by countless injuries, HFB is a quality team that has been the end of many talented teams in the tournament. �Last season was a major lowlight with all the injuries we had that benched a significant majority of our team. We actually changed our name to �Hurt for Brains� for a while but we are back in action this season.� It wasn�t too long ago that HFB was a final four team, to which they joking gave themselves the nickname of the �best average team in the league.� But that does them a disservice. Better to think of them as the best team in the league that wears horns, fishnets, and drinks before, after, and- sometimes when no one is looking- during games.

Their playing style is hard to define, but it comes from familiarity with each other. � The key to our success is the lack of structure and game plays. On several occasions we have tried to implement plays into our game flow and it always fails miserably. We are really more a collection of egotistical rogue players that are good friends and play well together than what you would traditionally call �a team�.

As for the rest, you can probably take a guess as to where their name came from, but their origins may surprise you. Especially if you are sane. �We were all genetically cloned from the same parents and then raised in separate dodgeball regions. We were hand selected by a Ukrainian coach to each represent the best skills from our particular region. We were going to be an international dream team. Unfortunately at age 18, we all develop an affinity for drinking that distracted us from the most critical years of training. After college we reconnected on Facebook, moved to Portland to be a family and the rest is HFB history.� We actually thought that they just woke up one morning after a particularly wild night and find themselves all in bed together, so they just decided to roll with it, but their story makes sense too�

The great thing about HFB is that you can make jokes about their sexual proclivities, and in some ways it is not just ok, but encouraged. But that is where they get you. Injuries may have slowed them down, but as soon as you forget that they are a damn good team, they will make you their b1tch. And with so many seasons under their garter belts, who do these miscreants see as rivals? �Probably our biggest rival is the Portland Trail Blazers. Not the 2009 Blazers but the 2006 Blazers. They are really the only team that could party like we can.� Well, they aimed high. No pun intended.

So look for HFB on the courts. They are hard to miss. �Our motto is �Kill, Kill, Kill!!!� Favorite tradition is Pre-game Jagermeister Bombs, Red Headed Sluts and spanking each other�s assess.�

We need teams like HFB to balance the rest of us out. To the new players, they exemplify the attitude we should all be so lucky to have, while for the vets, they usually headline most stories about how much fun the league can be. We want HFB on that wall, we NEED HFB on that wall! And we hope they remain with us for a long time to come.

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